OUT OF THE DEPTHS I CRY

by Sally Blodgett

Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott

Riverhead Books, 2005

Like the modern-day psalmist that she is, Anne Lamott doesn’t aspire to be good; she aspires to be real.

In her new collection of controversial essays on faith, she complains openly, and often bitterly, about President Bush, the war in Iraq, the death of her dog Sadie, the frustrations of raising her son, Sam and her life-long anger at her mother. Unapologetically Christian and liberal, Lamott allows herself—and lets us in on—the full range of her rage and tenderness, her exuberance and despair. She is alternately fierce and funny.

In the essay “Heat,” for instance, she expresses how the demands of child-raising undo her on a daily basis: “The tyranny of waking a sleepy child at 7am and hassling him to get clothed and fed in preparation for school means you’re chronically tired, resentful, and resented. In this condition, while begging him to put on socks, you are inevitably treated to an endless and intricate précis of Rugrats.”

She tells the hilarious and tender story about the first time her son meets his half-brother, David, at one of those awkward family gatherings we have all experienced.

“A small group of related people came together, willing to be supremely uncomfortable, so that Sam could know his brother…[we] talked, overate, cleaned up messes as we went, held our tongues, ignored the inevitable family tension…things got broken—they always do—and children always yap and stamp and demand your attention. It’s called real life…”

Lamott unabashedly shares her struggles with prayer and faith and her desire to remain open to grace. She writes about waking up seething with anger at President Bush and the war in Iraq on the morning of her birthday. “I tried to cooperate with grace, which is to say I did not turn on the TV.” Instead, she calls her Buddhist friend Jack Kornfield who tells her to be kind to herself and breathe.

Her definition of faith is both elevating and practical: “Faith [is] noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort and letting it be there until some light returns. Faith also means reaching deeply within for the sense one was born with, the sense, for example, to go for a walk.”

Her essential message? We are all confused and helpless and infinitely loved and capable of returning that love because grace is at work—even, and perhaps especially, in our most painful moments.

Sally Blodgett is a free-lance writer and a student of mindfulness and meditation practice. Contact her by clicking here.

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